5 Unexpected Essentials for a Happy Life

Money doesn't = happiness. Let’s talk about the 5 unexpected things you actually need.

What got me thinking about this topic was my mother. She turned 83 last year and there were so many times throughout the year, when I had thought to myself, she’s really doing so much better this year. She seems to have found her new groove.

There was a time after my father passed away when she complained often, wasn’t very comfortable making decisions on her own and she at times seemed a bit depressed. None of this applies anymore and it made me question–what changed?

Finding a New Purpose

I think the first big change happened when she found a new purpose and having a purpose is our first Unexpected. Essential. My father was a paraplegic from an airplane accident, and while he was the type of person that didn’t let much stop him, Mom still helped him a good deal. When he was no longer there, and all of us children were grown, she didn’t have anyone to spend her days caring for anymore. 

Fortunately, my sister owns a cute little cafe about a block from her house and over time, Mom has found her way to contribute there. There are certain things that need to get done every week, such as weighing out the cheese or wrapping the silverware–tasks that are a big help that she has taken responsibility for. 

Purpose matters because it gives shape to our days. When work ends, the built-in structure, responsibility, and sense of being needed often disappear overnight. Without something meaningful to wake up for, days can start to feel long, empty, or repetitive—and that’s when people begin to feel lost or low.

Studies consistently show that people who feel a sense of purpose live longer, experience less depression, and even have better cognitive health as they age. Purpose doesn’t have to be big—it just has to matter to you.

What changed for my mom wasn’t her circumstances—it was that she mattered again in a very tangible way. If you’ve been feeling a bit lost or wondering what your purpose is these days, my Core Values and Inner Purpose Guide would be a helpful resource for you. 

Community is Essential Too

The 2nd Unexpected Essential is Community. Working at the cafe each day also connected my mom to the community that regularly frequents there. She has new friends now and enjoys these connections.  

Human beings are wired for connection. Loneliness has been shown to be as harmful to long-term health as smoking or obesity. And in retirement, social circles often shrink unless we’re intentional about creating new ones.

For my mom, the café wasn’t just about helping—it gave her people who noticed her, talked with her, and expected her to show up. That sense of belonging is incredibly powerful.

A Positivity Practice Creates Happiness

The third unexpected essential is Positivity. I noticed that mom made a conscious decision to work on becoming more positive. These days, she is much more likely to always be looking on the bright side and I know that has really changed how happy she feels in her day to day life.

There’s fascinating research on people who remain healthy well into their 80s and 90s. And it is heartening to know that one of the strongest predictors isn’t genetics or income—it’s attitude. People who hold more positive views about aging live longer and maintain better physical and cognitive health.

In other words, how you think about your life deeply impacts how you experience it. 

So if you find yourself struggling in this area, how do you get to be more positive? I think positivity, like anything, gets better with practice. I consider myself a pretty positive person, but I continue to practice it every day by using the seasonal journals I created. 

There is a section inside about turning negative thoughts into positive ones - I use this every day. I also highlight a few  affirmations that I want to reinforce in this season and take a moment to say these each morning. Then at night I write down what I am grateful for, as well as jotting down my little wins, what brought me joy and what I noticed during the day that was beautiful. 

Positivity isn’t pretending everything is great. It’s training your brain to notice what IS working, what’s beautiful, and what you’re capable of—even on hard days. I really do feel like over time, taking a few moments in the morning and evening for this positivity work has really helped in this regard.

The Magic of Feeling Awe 

The 4th unexpected essential is feeling Awe. Circling back to my mom, I noticed is how often she allows herself to feel a sense of awe. It’s not infrequent these days when I’m talking to my mother on the phone when I’m out for my morning walk and I’ll mention something like the sky looks is such a gorgeous blue this morning. She’ll invariably tell me how she too took the time to sit back and soak in the beautiful colors of the sunrise that day. We’ve talked about how much these little moments of noticing natural beauty or how incredible something is really help you to feel good inside. 

Awe pulls us out of our worries and reminds us that we’re part of something bigger. Studies show that experiencing awe regularly can reduce stress, increase generosity, and improve overall well-being.

That’s why appreciation and awe are built into the SMART living framework inside my Lifestyle Redesign for Retired Women course. It’s not about doing more—it’s about noticing more. If you’d like to find out more about this course, you can find a link to the course in the description to the video.

The Power of Resilience

The 5th unexpected essential I’ve learned from her is resilience. She pushes herself to move and do things even when her body hurts and she doesn’t feel like it. As we get older, our bodies are bound to challenge us more and more, but if we stop using them, we lose the use of them.

Muscles atrophy, flexibility diminishes and before long you can’t do near what you could have done had you kept everything moving. Sometimes it seems like some people simply have more willpower than others, but research shows that this too can be cultivated with practice. One way you can do this by choosing to do hard things every day. 

When we do hard things on purpose, we strengthen the part of the brain responsible for self-control and resilience. The more often we choose discomfort in small ways, the easier it becomes to keep choosing it when it really matters.

This really doesn’t have to be all that hard. You just do things you really don’t want to do. I often turn my shower to cold for the last 60 seconds (I started with 10 seconds). I stand on one foot every day while brushing my teeth to keep my balance and sometimes, to make it hard, I close my eyes. There are tons of little things you can do to push yourself every day to use your body.

None of this is about being truly hard on ourselves. Rather, it’s about staying capable, confident, and independent for as long as possible.

A happy life isn’t accidental. It’s created—one small, intentional choice at a time.

Money does matter, but purpose, connection, positivity, awe, and resilience are what actually make life feel worth living once the working years end.