When to Change the Story You Tell Yourself

The other day, I was walking through my neighborhood when I noticed a yard sign.

It said:

Sarcoma Survivor.

It gave me pause as I considered the powerful feeling that label must give.

To call yourself a survivor is to acknowledge something you've lived through. It honors your strength. It recognizes a chapter of your life that you didn't necessarily choose—but made it through.

As I continued my walk, I also continued thinking about labels–how there are some we choose intentionally.

And how there are some we pick up along the way.

The sneaky ones.

The Labels We Don't Realize We're Carrying

There are so many label we let slip into our lives unintentionally such as...

I'm bad with directions.

I'm not a morning person.

I'm not athletic.

I'm not creative.

I'm terrible with money.

I'm just not a healthy person.

I'm not organized.

I'm a procrastinator.

We say these things without thinking about it and may not even realize we've turned them into identities.

But there's a difference between saying:

"I got lost."

and

"I'm terrible with directions."

One describes something that happened.

The other describes who you believe you are.

That distinction matters quite a lot.

Let me explain. When we attach a label to ourselves, without thinking about it we often begin looking for evidence to support it.

If you believe you're bad with money, you may notice every time you overspend while overlooking the times you made a smart decision.

If you believe you're not creative, you may dismiss the delicious meal you created when you improvid, the garden you designed, or the way you rearranged a room because you don't consider those things "creative."

If you believe you're bad with people, you may remember the awkward conversation while forgetting the friend who felt heard because you took the time to listen.

The label becomes a lens.

And eventually, the lens can start to feel like the truth.

When a Label Becomes a Limitation

One of the most interesting things about the labels we give ourselves is that they can influence what we do next.

If I tell myself I'm not athletic, why would I sign up for a walking group?

If I believe I'm terrible with directions, why would I try navigating somewhere new without immediately reaching for my phone?

If I think I'm not creative, why would I take a painting class or try my hand at photography?

The label quietly narrows our choices.

We don't necessarily say, "I can't do that because of this label."

We simply stop trying.

And over time, the lack of trying becomes more evidence that the label was true all along.

This is how a simple sentence can become a self-limiting belief.

What If We Chose Our Labels More Intentionally?

What if, instead of only noticing the labels you've accidentally adopted, you choose to be more intentional about the ones you want to carry?

One label I've intentionally adopted some time ago is: I'm someone who takes care of my health.

I think that's a really helpful one. Here are a few others you could consider adopting:

I'm someone who notices beauty.

I'm someone who listens well.

I'm someone who can figure things out.

I'm someone who is adventurous.

I'm someone who makes time for the people I love.

I'm someone who trusts herself.

I'm someone who is willing to try new things.

These aren't affirmations in the traditional sense.

They're chosen identities.

There is something powerful about choosing an identity and then looking for ways to grow into it.

What If You Don't Believe the New Label Yet?

This is where things can get tricky. As I was writing this post I was thinking about how I've always thought that I really don't have a great sense of direction. Thinking about believing otherwise at this point doesn't feel possible. 

Instead my brain immediately produces evidence to the contrary.

"Really? Remember that time you let Google Maps take me 30 minutes in the exact opposite direction of my brother's house (where I'd been before) because the auto correct for spelling had typed in a different address?

I don't think you can force yourself to believe something that feels untrue.

It becomes easier if you choose a believable bridge between who you have been and who you want to become.

Instead of:

I'm great with directions.

I could try:

I'm becoming more comfortable finding my way.

Here's a few more examples:

Instead of:

I'm a healthy person.

Try:

I'm learning to make choices that support my health.

Instead of:

I'm confident.

Try:

I'm becoming someone who trusts herself more.

Instead of:

I'm creative.

Try:

I'm giving myself more opportunities to be creative.

The new identity doesn't have to feel completely true yet.

It just has to feel possible.

Give Yourself Evidence

The next step is important too

Give yourself evidence.

If you want to become someone who takes care of her health, make one choice today that supports your body.

Take the walk.

Drink the water.

Eat the food that makes you feel good.

Go to bed when you're tired.

And then notice what you did. You don't have to do it all. Just choose one action.

If you want to become someone who is adventurous, try something you've never done before.

If you want to become someone who listens well, put your phone down and give someone your full attention.

If you want to become someone who trusts herself, make one decision without asking other people what they think.

Then notice.

These may seem like small actions and they are, but they matter because they're little pieces of evidence.

They're little votes for the person you're becoming.

And the more evidence you collect, the easier it becomes for your brain your new chosen identity.

You Don't Have to Become Someone New

I think it's important to say that this isn't about reinventing yourself or becoming someone you're not.

It's about becoming more intentional about the stories you tell yourself.

Maybe you've always thought of yourself as someone who isn't adventurous.

But perhaps you don't need to become a fearless world traveler.

Maybe adventure, for you, looks like taking a different route home.

Trying a new recipe.

Visiting a town you've never explored.

Saying yes to an invitation you would normally decline.

Maybe you don't need to become "a healthy person" overnight.

Maybe you simply become someone who makes one more choice each day that supports the life and body you want to have.

Identity is built in small everyday choices.

Pay Attention to the Labels You Use

Here's something to try. For the next few days, listen to yourself.

Try to pay attention to the sentences that begin with:

"I'm just not..."

"I'm terrible at..."

"I'm not the kind of person who..."

"I've never been good at..."

You may discover that some of these statements are simply descriptions of your current preferences or abilities.

And that's perfectly fine if you want to keep them.

But you may also discover a few that have become unnecessary limitations.

Labels that were handed to you by a parent or friend.

Labels that grew out of one difficult experience.

Labels you adopted because you heard yourself say them often enough that they started to feel true.

You don't have to argue with yourself when you find one or feel bad about it.

Just notice them and ask yourself:

Is this a label I want to keep?

Choose Who You're Becoming

Maybe you want to take this one step further and choose new labels for who you want to become. You can ask yourself:

What is a label I'd like to grow into?

You don't have to believe the new label completely today.

You don't have to become that person all at once.

Just look for one small way to practice being her.

In reality, the person we believe we are isn't a fixed forever truth.

Sometimes, it's simply a story we've repeated for a very long time.

And if we want, we can choose a new one.

One small action at a time.

One new piece of evidence at a time.

One little vote for the person we're becoming.

Here's a journal prompt to get you started? 

A Journal Prompt

What is one label you've given yourself that may be limiting you? What would you rather believe about yourself, and what is one small action you could take today to give yourself evidence that this new story is possible?

If this post gave you something to think about, I'd love to stay connected. I regularly share new reflections, simple mindset shifts, and practical little hacks to help you live more intentionally, make room for what matters, and find more joy in the ordinary moments of your life. Join my mailing list and come along for the journey.